“Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back.” – Unknown
Last night I was at the reception for HIMSS Women in Health IT. Being in the company of 99.99% women by the Palazzo pool was empowering, it was a great way to spend the eve of International Women's Day 2018. It reminded me of the same feeling I had two weekends ago at the Duke Women's Weekend Reception - walking into a room filled with 99.99% women of varying ages - name tags with degrees from as far back as the 70s, more recent alumni and current students (graduate and undergraduate) - beaming with smiles as they chat with known faces or total strangers, mentors, friend, old classmates, and much more. Women from different works of life, in different positions across the world with Duke in common!
The Alumni Association events are always so graceful, create an outlet to release pent up stress, opportunities to 'refill my cup' and to form new relationships. They also serve as opportunities to make the best of some of the experiences I missed while enrolled at Duke, stay current about the university affairs, extend an encouraging hand to current students and continue to enjoy the return on my investment on graduate education. Visiting Duke Campus or walking across its grounds always fill me with so much happiness and brings back a rush of memories. Not quite 6years ago, I had been in the graduate program - a career change, thousands of miles away from Nigeria, pregnant, walking or taking buses around - trying to take advantage of the various learning, relationship, and career opportunities.
From the Opening Reception to the Closing Reception, here are some star-dazzled reminders that I took away:
*1. They don’t have to look like you to help you.
Your advisers, mentors, cheerleaders, believers etc. will come in different forms - gender, age, race, creed, sexual orientation etc. I have many examples for each, for which I am grateful. Have an open mind, look beyond labels and be receptive to your helpers. You will need them. Embrace every interaction as an opportunity to evolve as a giver, receiver or collaborator. Be the help others need, they don't have to look like you either. You can, regardless of your current position.
*2. Take ownership and responsibility for your life.
"Being private, Duke can take a stand"... Dean Valerie Ashby. She was referring to Duke as an institution in comparison to state institutions but taking it a step farther, I saw it had implications for personal lives. If we don't define who we are and understand our individuality and power, it will be difficult to take a stand. A lack of awareness and positioning of self is a recipe for lack of focus and a missed life purpose. Take ownership and responsibility for your life.
*3. Old enough to know who we are, young enough to be flexible.
This relates to the previous reminder. Even after conviction be flexible enough for your evolution. Be open to learning that will change or reshape your thought process.
*4. Diversity is excellence.
Rather than seeing diversity as a quota to be filled, a mandate to be reached, see diversity as one of your definitions of excellence. It becomes a culture - willing to take in various perspectives to modify your experiences.
*5. Learn from every environment you find yourself.
It is OK to feel like you are not where you want to be. In fact, it is a sign of self-consciousness, so, kudos to you! While you seek ways to add value to yourself and move to the next level, don't miss the opportunity to learn from your present. It all adds up. It is a part of the journey of YOU.
*6. Leaving helps hone your skills.
Take a break from routine, venture into the unknown, take risks. Either temporarily or permanently, leaving your place of comfort in your career - will bring challenges that will help hone your skills and see what your true abilities are.
*7. Be in the room, period. Don't wait to be perfect.
Embrace the positions you earn, the success you achieve, the accolades you get. Tackle and beat down the impostor syndrome that may try to creep up on you when you have accomplished some of your goals and dreams. Think about the male leaders or bosses you know. Are they perfect? Do they know all or do all? No! Be present at the table, in the room, you are yourself as much as a representative of others like you. Don't let your drive for perfection drain or distract you.
You are enough, this moment!
*8. Women control 51% of wealth and 40% of households have women as primary or only breadwinners, in the US - BMO Wealth Institute, Financial Concerns of Women, 2015, -
We have constraints of norms, culture, and policies that need to be addressed, especially around equity and safety, yet we rise! We are strong like that. Let's not lose sight of the strengths we already have. Assess and deliberately improve your economic abilities.
Earn. Save. Invest. Invent. Run a business.
Use your abilities to succeed, economic success is part of it. The current Forbes richest woman is at #16, can we make that #1 soon. Cheers in advance to the first female richest person in the world.
*9. Happiness is equilibrium, shift your weight.
Work-life balance will continue to swing, whether your work is caring for the home and family, building a career or in the corporate world. Be present where you are and take time out to be by yourself to enjoy the simple pleasures of life and invest in mind-blowing self-treats that will be pleasant memories to look back from future. Remember to take care of you.
*10. If you don’t know how to say 'No', practice having two choices for major decision making - ‘yes’ and ‘hell yeah’ and go for the 'hell yeahs' only.
Need I write more on this one? Thank you, Kara Barnett, Executive Director of American Ballet Theater!
I have added to my list of yearly assessments that question Deborah Norville, Anchor of Inside Edition, asked me about the greatest challenge I face as all of the minorities I represent in the workplace. More important will be my response to how I am overcoming the challenges.
