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One Year After – George Floyd

Hopeful...

Unbelievable that it is a year!

If only he was still here...

Honoring his memory, the conversations and soul-searching his death has sparked. Hopeful still for better.

I reviewed my unpublished reactions immediately I saw the news, later that week and after the verdict. A chronicle.

The various emotions as the news broke and global response to the overt display of inhumanity.

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Immediately After

It just hurts in every way.

Plus life is sacred. As someone who is trained to save lives, it hurts in a different kind of way. Considering the energy one puts into saving one life many times over, to see life merciless and nonchalantly taken away, for no reason than unchecked power. It hurts differently.

That Week

This Week!

How exhausting, traumatizing and terrifying, even through some of what should have been high moments 

The video, though I watched in parts - affected me so much

His voice as he pleaded for his life and the images broke my heart over and over again

I have had the opportunity to bring to life and I know how much effort is put into saving lives 

To see George Floyd’s life taken away nonchalantly without mercy, and without any fear of repercussions was so disheartening 

And though many are trying to distract with the fire and looting that are a result of rage and with evidence of saboteurs in the midst of peaceful protestors 

The demand still remains Justice for George Floyd 

And a fix for the prevailing injustice and systemic discrimination of Black People in the United States

Though the current reality is of all black people, I acknowledge that most Black Immigrants are without the experience of the burden of the multi-generational history of slavery and injustices in this country

Even in these times, I am summoning all the effort to choose Hope

Hope for justice

Hope for the future where black kids and youths can live without the cloud of inferiority, fear and death hovering over their heads

And hope for a time when parents of black kids (especially sons) can live without fear of loosing their children’s minds and life to this system of racial inequality 

Sending prayers and positive energy to everyone who has been affected by this.

Week of Verdict

Body tense

Heart beat racing

Head throbbing 

All in anticipation 

My cardiorespiratory system must have wondered what is going on

Why my breathing was measured

Why I was trembling in the absence of a physical cause

And just as the judge read

“In the case of...”

A breath was trapped in my lungs

Yearning to be released

‘... Guilty’

As my ears and brain coordinated to interpret what I heard

A guilty verdict in the case for George Floyd's murder

That trapped breath was released

A graceful exhale

Accompanied with tear-filled eyes

Connecting with friends, I realized quickly I was not alone

That a community was experiencing similar

I paused to imagine what it felt like to his family and close relatives - 

definitely more pronounced, 

It was a moment of collective exhale

We breathe a little better

Even though we realize it may be (is) short-lived 

Those beautiful breaths get to be stars

Beautiful stars in our sky of hope for justice

the sky that for so long seemed devoid of sparkles or twinkles

That hope is our shield, that even though we find it hard to breathe too many times

We remain alive, undeterred to continue to work 

Refusing to be quiet, silenced, or complacent

Until humanity reckon with the impact of racism - individual and systemic

And that black bodies and lives are treated equal as non-black

And life is revered as sacred as should, 

regardless of color of the skin of the person in which it resides.

(C) Bilqees 2021

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