Have you had an experience recently, that upon reflection, it seemed made up of smaller parts carefully placed atop one another to arrive at a particular outcome? An event which seemed carefully orchestrated to the last moment, like musical notes leading up to a crescendo. Like puzzle pieces, a rearrangement or a missing piece could have resulted in a very different outcome. Have you? Reflect. Even if for a moment. What was that important event?
I read the book 'Seat of the Soul' by Gary Zukav for the first time in the University. It was suggested by a bookseller who I had bought similar books from in the past. It blew my mind and I have read it multiple times over the years. That way, I have also had a number of years to practice its lessons.
One of the many lessons is the appreciation of emotions. Understanding the need to pay attention to them, pausing to figure out which emotion is at play, sitting with the emotion, learning from it and moving on with the right choices.
Some weeks ago, at the times I had my pause, my prevailing emotion was loneliness. Upon reflection, I identified the causes and took the lessons. It lingered for longer than usual and I longed for my most prevalent emotions: Love or Gratitude. Come on! It is November, Thanksgiving is just a few weeks away. I deliberately invested time in different activities to cause the shift from that emotion to gratitude (engaged friends and family, art, favorite spaces, hobbies) but none worked. Until...
It was a long day of work as usual and my reminder to unplug immediately, well past the 'end of business' was the need to pick my beautiful princess from school and avoid the fine. Slouching over my desk I still managed to send that one last email. Workaholic! Haha! The drive was as usual - music to calm my nerves and as soon as the commercials began, a Leadership training audio borrowed some weeks back. Got to the school in time, even had some minutes to check out the books displayed for a fundraising book fair. We practiced her reading skills for some minutes, switching from cover to cover. I reminded her not to be afraid of long words, but to concentrate on sounding the letters. I decided it was time to leave when one other parent opened the door to do the same. We walked to our cars together exchanging pleasantries and chatting briefly about the cold and early nightfall. We laughed, as we both agreed the season won’t last forever. The excitement of finally heading home.
As we pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car, my daughter was completing her usual story of how the day went. She shared with excitement how she had put on her jacket all by herself, including fixing the zipper. I commented like I knew she expected that she is now a ‘big girl’. She even fixed her backpack by herself right there and suggested that she will be a really big girl when she is able to sleep alone at night. Goals. I long for that as well, so I quickly agreed and asked if she wanted to try it out that night. Haha, of course not. We stopped at the mailbox, she read out the inscribed numbers for each box out loud. We eventually climbed the stairs and were at the door in no time. As I turned the key in the keyhole, I noticed a moth (or a butterfly-can’t tell them apart sometimes) flying by. I have been trying to get her to stop being afraid of bugs. So I made that another topic of discussion - our little pleasure/science moment, encouraging her to observe the moth. I touched it, it flew but I still didn’t open the door to prevent it from getting in the house.
All of a sudden, I heard the door of the apartment below swing open, I heard the fearful laments, the coughs, and the little boy’s cry. Familiar but troubled voices. I rushed back down the stairs in a flash, my little 'Ms. Big Girl' behind me and asked:
“Are you OK?”.
It was then I saw it - the thick smoke emanating from her apartment and heard the smoke alarm
"I’m trying to turn off the smoke alarm", she said.
She explained further that she had left something on the stove and fell asleep only to wake up to find the house filled with smoke. I went with her into the apartment and we both saw the source, not only was the cooker red-hot, the control had also melted, leaving no other way to turn it off but to unplug it. Considering the weight of the cooker and the enveloping smoke, we decided against that with just a glance.
"Please call 911, I don't even have my phone", she said.
I dialed the number in an instant and we both spoke to the operator in turns, as we stopped to catch our breaths. As advised we shut the door behind us, moved the kids to safety and I pulled the building alarm to alert other neighbors. Within 5 minutes, we could hear the blaring sound of the firetrucks and see the flashing lights. After a brief moment of preparation and ascertaining the condition, some of the firefighters focused on preventing a full-blown fire, while others kept coming back at intervals to reassure us and gather more information. A police officer was also soon on site for questioning.
In a moment when I caught myself staring at my daughter playing with a neighbor's pet - a cat named 'Duchess'. I smiled as my mind played back the little steps that ensured I was at my door at that time.
The last email.
The brief traffic.
Stopping at the Book Fair table.
Leaving the school when the parent opened the door.
The chit-chat.
The Mailbox.
The Moth - Oh my!
I also thought of the seemingly safe comfort of my apartment, the couch, gadgets, the clothes, the foods, the books, my keys, even my work computer bag lying right outside my apartment door. The distance was short, but I could not go up there. Not until all this is over.
And surely, soon afterward, it was all over.
My neighbor made a comment that made me wonder if this had happened in a society where the response to an emergency was delayed or non-existent. I was afraid to even think of that. It would be all lamentations prayers, and uncoordinated or ineffective efforts, the outcome of which is like no help at all, but I digress.
Thanksgiving came in really early for me. A reminder that just one moment can change everything! It put me in reset and now I’m at my default - gratitude. One more reason to treasure and appreciate all blessings, especially that of life itself. While this was my desired emotion, the lessons of loneliness were not lost on me. Remembering others who may not have friends or family near, those going through a loss - life or property, those who have recently been through life-changing events. Ask genuinely, as often as possible:
"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?"
"What are your plans for the holidays?"
Radiate love, warmth and smiles this season as best as you possibly can. Someone around you needs it. Always keep in mind the abundance you possess. How blessed you are.
Now that the emotion is right, I’m ready for TURKEY!
Happy Thanksgiving to you!
(c)Bilqees 2017