Naturally, change is often resisted, even when it is the only option to keep moving towards light.
Hitting life's 'reset button' come with fear, in particular, of the unknown. It comes with its challenges and pain, but I became convinced with time that if that is the sacrifice I have to make to feel alive, to breathe again, so be it. It felt like a good bargain compared to continuing to exist in a constantly depressing and painful situation.
I was absolutely done living dead!
I longed for the self-love, confidence and focus on my life's purpose, that defined me back in 2010, right after graduating Medical School. There was a sharp contrast between who I was, who I wanted to be and who I had become. The task ahead was to locate the reset button and build up the courage to press it. And so I did.
One of the resultant effect of the 'reset' was the restoration of my ability to objectively review relationships. There was a need for a total rearrangement of family, friends, acquaintances and the likes. Some had to be removed, some promoted while others had to be relegated to the point where they became unable to influence my life as I had previously given them the liberty.
I attended an event on one of the last few days of 2015 and everyone was encouraged to partake in an exercise which I found so rewarding. Each attendee had to write down on a piece of paper what he wants to leave behind in 2015 and drop it in a box. Then, randomly pick an already marked card from a different box. I dropped 'Pain' and picked up 'Friendship'. It was a perfect moment. Looking forward to making genuine connections and valuable friends in the New Year.
The second was putting into practice a lesson I had learned as a teenager. THE TIME TO BE HAPPY IS NOW. Life is never going to be perfect, so waiting for the perfect moment to be happy is simply a waste of time. The next moment is not assured. How we sometimes worry about the next minute so much that the joy in the present is missed beats me. Paraphrasing a line in Kung Fu Panda, it is a gift, that is why it is called 'present'. With that in mind, it was easier to make that huge decision not minding my circumstance, because it was the only way I could get to see myself in my true light.
There is more to life. Cheers to me permitting myself to be more happy, grateful and graceful than I had ever been!
...to be continued.
(c)Bilqees 2016